Retroactive Reaction (PT. 1)

Retroactive Reaction pictureSo the big reveal came and went and I think we’re all justifiably annoyed. This new console proves just how distant our corporate overlords’ concerns are from our own. It represents a dangerous new direction for games and the end of quality gaming experiences.

I am, of course, talking about the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. First off, what’s with that name? What is it, a superhero? My friends and I are pronouncing “SNES” phonetically whenever we talk about it, and that makes us pretty happy.

Second – who wanted this machine? Sure, its processor is way more powerful than that of its predecessor, but it’s not the most powerful CPU that humans can build. We all know the obvious right move would have been to build in a super computer and price it below the last generation.

On the third hand, the new “features” aren’t rad at all. The controller has six buttons without even counting start and select! What developer is even going to use those other buttons? It’s like, I’m trying to play a game, not operate my Betamax player. And we all know that a wider range of colors is way lame. Colors are for girls, and I’m not a girl, so this design decision is dumb for not being aimed specifically at me.

#4: It has all the problems that cropped up in previous generations. It has an always-on electricity requirement, so if your stepdad trips on the cord, the whole thing turns off without even a chance to save progress. It also has no online multiplayer because that hasn’t been invented yet.

Overall, I guess you could say I’m not pumped for this new machine. When I buy it on day one and get every title that comes out for it for the following two years, I will not do it happily.

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